I have been informed that it’s still “i before e” with regard to the biebs.
They’re opening a Hobby Lobby in the plaza where my local JoAnn’s used to be (it moved in February) and I’m entirely at a loss as to how I can best express my ire.
Like, I’m obviously not going to shop there. There are at least three other craft stores within 10 minutes of there, and the plaza it’s going into is pretty much dead.
But I feel like there should be some kind of public condemnation of its presence.
I’m sorry, I’m incapable of giving a straight answer.
I am only capable of giving bisexual answers.
If anyone can give me a straight, actual answer to this then that’d be great - because it’s been avoided every time I’ve asked it:
If feminism is for equality and is to help both men and women, then why is it a female-centric word?
(To clarify, I mean feminism in the modern-day, first-world sense. Though the question does still stand regardless.)
Because women are the ones experiencing discrimination and systematic gender based oppression? (Also, please don’t forget that there are more than just 2 genders.)
Honestly, “Feminism is equality” is a pretty big simplification. Feminism is a broad collection of movements that are aimed at dismantling gender inequality.
Equality is the GOAL, but not the means. Imagine, if you will, another simplification with which to think about this: two people. Person A of them has 5 apples. Person B only has 1 apple, is paid less money to be able to buy apples, and is told that it’s not right for them to get apples. How do you fix that problem? Is it by giving BOTH of them 4 apples? Or is it by giving person B 4 apples and making it so that they are paid more to get their own apples, AND challenging the prevailing idea that they shouldn’t have apples at all? Which one seems more effective? Does that seem unfair to person A? Or like actual common sense?
Also — just a quibble on the original question — feminism isn’t “to help both men and women.” It’s to dismantle social inequalities which primarily affect women (with consideration for factors such as race, class, sexuality, etc).
For example, issues of AFAB [commonly, but not necessarily accurately, “women’s”] reproductive health (e.g., access to birth control, abortion services, what procedures are/should be covered by insurance, maternity leave) are publicly debated for their legality and morality in a way issues of uniquely AMAB [c, bnna, “men’s”] health (including reproductive health) are not.
This is a struggle that manifests in many different ways in our society — where male issues are seen as “standard” and female issues are seen as optional/extra/up for debate — and it is a struggle that results from a long history of allowing men to make decisions without accounting for women’s differing needs.
Side effects of feminism include things that help men — examinations and deconstructions of patriarchal gender roles, for example, help men as well as women, because not all men fit into the roles society has laid out for them — but helping men is not the goal.
And, finally, in a world where everything from standard medical care to popular media is male-centric, there is nothing wrong with having a movement (which does, ultimately, benefit society as a whole, because the advancement of women is a good thing for society) have a female-centric name.
It should not make people uncomfortable to have women self-advocating under a title that reflects the goals of the group. The advancement of women is not tantamount to the degradation of men.
Here are my two least-favorite responses to telling people about the dude who asked me out at the library:
- "Well, I don’t think [asking someone out at work] is inherently bad, if he really thought you were flirting with him."
- "When would it have been appropriate for him to ask you out?"
Now, both of these things were said by people I love and trust, who did not at all mean to be dismissive or whatever. But I flat-out disagree that either of these things matter.
So, I finally got the call about whether the company I work for is going to make me permanent after my temporary contract ends.
And — good news — they are interested in making me permanent.
I’m one of the employees they’d like to hold onto.
But I’ve known, ever since I started there six weeks ago, that if I was going to be permanent, I was going to want to re-negotiate my pay rate.
So, I get the call. They ask me what my plans are. And I tell them, I’d like to be permanent, but only if I can renegotiate my pay rate.
And the woman on the phone tells me that no, I’m already at the top of my pay grade, so it’s not possible to negotiate for a higher rate.
Except that when I was training, the guy who was showing me around was talking to me about whether I wanted to be permanent, and I mentioned wanting a higher pay rate, and he told me what his starting rate was.
He was hired for the same job I was, on the same contract I was, only a few weeks before I was, and his starting pay rate was fifty cents higher than mine.
So don’t give me this bullshit about how the only way I’d be eligible for a raise is if I magically became a designer, because you and I both know that’s crap.
If you’re paying this kid fifty cents more than I get, when we’re hired for the same job, you can’t tell me the only way I could possibly earn more than I do now is by getting some ridiculous specialty.
What you’re really saying when you’re against self diagnosis:
1. Everyone should be assumed neurotypical and should be forced to act neurotypical, until proven otherwise.
2. Everyone who has been unable to get diagnosed for any reason should suffer in silence.
What you’re really, really saying when you’re against self diagnosis:
1. You aren’t going to put up with whining teenagers trying to get attention by faking conditions through their incompetent medical knowledge.
And I don’t get your second point. Unable to get diagnosed? You mean if the doctor tells you, you don’t have the condition? Is that them just being ‘ableist’? If a doctor tells you that, you better accept the fucking truth.
The only other situation where you couldn’t get diagnosed is if you are living in a 3rd world country without proper medical care or money to pay for medical care. In that case, you probably wouldn’t be whining on tumblr.
You’re ignorant as fuck.
You seem to hate teenagers, and since it’s socially acceptable to hate teenagers, you can invent some random thing that you think teenagers do and expect people to believe you. Why would someone pretend to be a member of a hated group? Most people who self diagnose do it so they can solve their problems with solutions that work for them instead of desperately trying to be normal, and there can’t possibly be anything wrong with that. Also, how can someone be “trying to get attention” if they don’t tell most people?
There are plenty of reasons to not be able to get diagnosed. Maybe you’re under 18 and your parents refuse to listen to you because they insist that you’re normal. Maybe you can’t afford to see a doctor, which does not only happen in third world countries. Maybe your doctor refused to diagnose you because of a stereotype, and you can’t afford to see another one. Maybe you can’t afford to take time off from work.
When I was a kid, my parents sent me to parochial schools, where I was constantly in trouble for being disobedient, or obnoxious, or hard-to-handle, or something. I was academic as fuck, but I had “behavioral issues.” And I would beg my parents to send me to public school, but my parents would not let me change schools.
When we did finally change schools, it was to another parochial school that distinctly said they did not want me.
(Which, by the way, is something I never understood, because I felt that I had performed really well during my school-day visit and interview. To this day I don’t know what I did wrong.)
They wanted my sisters, just not me. Well, my parents weren’t having that, and the school finally relented, so off to this school we all went.
How healthy do you think it is for an eleven year old — who already has a hard time feeling at ease in a school environment — to be stuck in an academic institution where they are actively unwanted? It sucks.
So, eventually, I ask my parents, “why did you insist on sending me to these schools where I was unwanted and treated badly, even though I asked to be sent to public school?”
And their response was…. wait for it… “If you went to public school, they would have wanted to medicate you.”
Let that sink in.
My parents didn’t send me to public school — even though I asked for it, time and again — because they were afraid I would get evaluated and diagnosed with something.
Remember: your classroom teacher can’t prescribe you shit. If they think you have a problem, they send you to a counselor, who might recommend you for an evaluation, where you might get diagnosed and, possibly, medicated.
So, the follow-up question, “If you knew I wasn’t getting along well at school, and you were aware I might need some sort of diagnosis, why didn’t you send me for a psychiatric evaluation?”
Now, this obviously wasn’t a money issue. My parents put three kids through 13 years of private Catholic education.
My father’s response? “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just an asshole. We figured you would grow out of it”
My dad is someone who throws a fit when you tell him the dog can’t have raisins (“What do you mean they’re poisonous for him?! He’s a dog! He can eat anything!”)
My dad thinks secondhand smoke isn’t dangerous, and that my sisters and I are making it up when we say his tobacco smoke hurts our throats.
My dad acts like he knows more than every expert out there, and that if it doesn’t make sense to him, it must not be that important.
So his diagnosis of me (Early-Onset Asshole) means less than nothing.
And he is the reason I never got a mental health evaluation, even though I was having well-documented behavioral issues, even though I was asking for a change, and even now that I’m old enough to advocate for myself and say that I should have gotten evaluated, that my issues are consistent with autism, he still insists my problem is that just that I’m “an asshole” and apparently always have been.
(My mother is not entirely off the hook here; she’s admitted that she sometimes wondered if I was autistic, but she never tried to get me diagnosed, either).
And now, because I’m basically “high-functioning,” there isn’t really much point in pursuing an official diagnosis. I can coach myself well enough to function at work, so what use is a piece of paper saying, “congrats on your diagnosis”? There is none. A piece of paper won’t make my dad more understanding of my social needs, it won’t change how I’m perceived in my daily life, it won’t change anything.
And, for the record: I don’t go around telling people I’m autistic. Because, as I said above, there is no point in my having a diagnosis (of any kind) now.
The only benefit I reap from knowing that I’m probably on the autism spectrum is that it helps me understand why I had such a hard time in my early education, and it helps me understand the behaviors and struggles I still have, minor as they sometimes seem.
TL:DR: My parents knew I had behavioral issues, but deliberately sent me to schools that didn’t have the resources to diagnose or accommodate those issues.
As an adult, seeking an official diagnosis would not serve any purpose, because I’ve learned to function well enough not to need accommodations.
Self-diagnosis allows me to contextualize the issues I had as a child, and further develop coping mechanisms for the issues I still experience.
While this is not something I typically discuss, I am talking about it now because I was denied the opportunity for an official diagnosis at the time when it would have been most useful for me to have it, which is relevant to an argument about why people aren’t diagnosed as children/why people don’t seek an official diagnosis as adults.
Just completely redid my resume so hopefully it reflects that I am not, in fact, applying from the year 1983.
Step 1: Where can I find a job that encourages me to have aqua hair?
Possessed of a sudden urge to dye my hair aqua why why why
My high school biology teacher and a secretary from my dad’s office just walked into my library and we were talking and they were like “What’s your name, hon?” and I was like “MY NAME IS MARGARET I THINK YOU ARE [MY BIOLOGY TEACHER]” and we were both like “AAAAAAH!”
And then my dad’s secretary was like “WAIT, MARGARET, I WORKED FOR YOUR DAD!” AND WE WERE ALL SO OUT OF CONTEXT BUT HAPPY BECAUSE THE WORLD IS SO SMALL.
I haven’t seen either of these women in years! I couldn’t even imagine a scenario where I’d run into them — they don’t live in town, I never would have thought they’d be at my library (and esp. not together, because I didn’t even know they knew one another!)
Such a weirdly fortuitous day…