Just completely redid my resume so hopefully it reflects that I am not, in fact, applying from the year 1983.

Step 1: Where can I find a job that encourages me to have aqua hair? 

Possessed of a sudden urge to dye my hair aqua why why why

My high school biology teacher and a secretary from my dad’s office just walked into my library and we were talking and they were like “What’s your name, hon?” and I was like “MY NAME IS MARGARET I THINK YOU ARE [MY BIOLOGY TEACHER]” and we were both like “AAAAAAH!”  
And then my dad’s secretary was like “WAIT, MARGARET, I WORKED FOR YOUR DAD!” AND WE WERE ALL SO OUT OF CONTEXT BUT HAPPY BECAUSE THE WORLD IS SO SMALL.

I haven’t seen either of these women in years! I couldn’t even imagine a scenario where I’d run into them — they don’t live in town, I never would have thought they’d be at my library (and esp. not together, because I didn’t even know they knew one another!)

Such a weirdly fortuitous day…

Know why I’m not interested in whether or not men think they’re being sexist?

Because men who think nothing about making inappropriate sexual comments to women will gladly piss and moan about sexism when it means MEN are being left out.

This guy fucking leered at me at our Christmas party, grabbed my arm, pulled me close to him, and said, “You think you’re going to just walk past me, looking like that?”
This guy “jokes” that I should put my picture in our library’s newsletter, so people will know the librarian is pretty and want to come see me.
Whenever I dress up for a holiday or special occasion, he says, “Why don’t you dress like that at work? We’d get more patrons!”

But no, that’s not sexism. 
Sexism isn’t making sexual comments about people, and thinking it’s ok because you’re “joking,” or “it’s all in good fun,” or “it’s a compliment.”

REAL sexism is workforce initiatives whose goal is to give women the skills and opportunities to work in male-dominated fields. 
How dare they advertise that they’re looking exclusively for women? How dare they advertise that they want to train women to work in these fields?
Verily, the retired middle-class white male who only saw the advertisement at all because I MADE A POINT TO PUT IT WHERE A PATRON I KNOW HAS BEEN JOB HUNTING FOR MONTHS WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE IT is truly oppressed by this development!

Ok but really who tracks the “personal” tag looking for people to demean?

What kind of gross person does that? 

rikinowgay:

evelynvincible:

rikinowgay:

evelynvincible:

rikinowgay:

evelynvincible:

Perpetually grossed out by old dudes who think it’s cute to make sexual comments to/in front of/about me.

The latest is at last night’s library board meeting, where I arrived first and spent a few minutes making casual conversation with the first board member who arrived.
When the next walked…

That wasn’t really sexual at all.

V. curious as to what you think he meant by “Don’t worry, we’ve been behaving ourselves,” accompanied by a fucking shit-eating grin, when we were the only people there.

Really. What do you think he was implying?

Because I am telling you that what he said and the way he said it, his intention was very clear.
The implication was that we hadn’t been making out.
This is not the kind of comment that he’d have made about the male librarian if he’d been there.

Making out now? Okay, um…that makes even less sense.

All old people do this. They call themselves “ornery” and say “Keep out of trouble” and shit like that. Not every little mischievous quip is some thinly-veiled code for “wow, I want to rip your clothes off” or something.

It’s stupid shit like this, and the overreactions like the above, that make reporting real sexual harassment in the workplace downright impossible. Because the people who flip the fuck out at someone jokingly saying that they were both “behaving,” or someone who gets pissy about being called “darlin’” make the woman who’s being felt up, the woman who is directly propositioned, not be able to report her harassment because all the other overly sensitive whiners have desensitized the appropriate people. When you go to get help for a real problem, they treat you like you’re crazy, imagining it, overreacting, because they’ve watched people overreact like this.

Ugh, this is one of those situations where if something that innocuous bothers you, it’s no one’s problem but your own, and you need to suck it up.

These are called microaggressions.

They’re minor incidents that, on their own, don’t seem like much, but over time their recurrence causes real damage.

Microaggressions — like using endearments for coworkers/sales associates/customers/clients — are an actual problem.
It does undermine your position. It does make you feel like you’re being taken less seriously.

And, it doesn’t always end there.
Just because you’ve got several people who just call you “sweetheart” doesn’t mean no one else is directly propositioning you, or that no one ever touches you inappropriately.

But by saying, “these sexist actions aren’t problematic,” you set an odd bar where people don’t actually know where the line is.
By discouraging people from reporting things you, personally, deem insignificant, you are the one making it harder for people experiencing harassment to get help because many people assume their harassment isn’t worth reporting/reporting it will cause more trouble than it’s worth.

But, in this specific incident, in this specific post, I can tell you from his tone and — unfortunately, from experiences with my grandfather — that his implication WAS sexual. 
You were not there. You are not more of an authority than I am on what I experienced.

I’m allowed to talk about my experiences without assholes like you coming out of the woodwork to tell me I’m what’s wrong with society.
Like, this isn’t even tagged under sexual harassment or sexism. It’s just “personal” and “librarian problems.” 
Me posting on my personal blog about my frustrations with my workplace should not be an invitation for you to comment on how valid you think my experiences are.

Uh, no. Nothing about it was sexual, and you’re drunk and squinting if you see any sexual harassment in that. You want to know what real “microaggressive” comments are like?

"I’m going to sit here and leer at you," as the man proceeds to come around to the librarian’s side of the desk to sit and stare as you check out patrons, making you very visibly uncomfortable, but not caring. Coming in daily to do this.

Following you around the library. When you sneak off while he’s distracted, you see him through the shelves walking around, searching. He spots you, because you can’t hide in the stacks forever, and then he comments that he was “looking for you,” that he “finally found you.” You’re going to be alone at the front desk with this man, and you don’t know what he’s going to say or do next.

Since you’re too scared to say anything, he takes this as compliance, as encouragement, and he takes out his laptop and begins showing you pornographic material. You sit there, frozen, unable to comprehend or believe what’s happening.

"Sweetheart" or "we’re not misbehaving" is not ~*microaggression*~, it is not some attempt to ~*undermine*~ your authority, it’s called human social interaction. Jesus fuck. I can’t believe that these hypersensitive tumblr babies actually do go around polluting the real world. I was relieved to think that you people just fake being so crazy online, but act normal in real life because you know how ridiculous it is.

Also? I’ll comment on whatever the fuck I want, sweetheart. :) You fucking put it in a public tag, and you’re fucking things up for people who have actual problems. Put it under a read more if you don’t want people commenting and adding their two-cents. I’m sure no one reads your read mores, given how overly paranoid you are.

Dude, I don’t know what your issue is. I really don’t.

I posted this on my personal blog with minimal tags. I made no special effort to make people see it. From what I can tell, you must have been trolling the “personal” tag looking for people to insult, because that’s pretty much the only way you could have found my post.

But, again, you are not the authority on my experiences. You were not there. You don’t know the men involved, you don’t know how these comments were said, you do not know how they were intended.

Your assertions that I’m paranoid and upset over nothing are based on the assumption that these men — who you’ve never met and know nothing about — are faultless, and that I have no context for interactions with them outside these incidents.

You do not need to condescend to me about what constitutes harassment, or what experiences I’m allowed to feel uncomfortable about.
Me talking about my experiences on my personal blog is not “fucking things up for people who have actual problems.” I don’t even understand how you can make that argument.

Like, you know that you’re being a bully, right?
You know that calling me names you know I specifically don’t like is a mean-spirited thing to do.
You know that you found this in a tag of explicitly personal posts — which is a tag people use largely for blog organization, rather than so people can track it — which is not actually an invitation for commentary.
You are targeting someone who you know already feels insecure, and doing everything you can to invalidate their experiences.
Wow your mom must be so proud.

If you think intention matters more than result, you’re probably shortsighted, inconsiderate, and a bad listener.

Read More

When men are like “I don’t understand why that’s a problem because it doesn’t personally affect me” I’m just like “did you pass kindergarten?”

rikinowgay:

evelynvincible:

rikinowgay:

evelynvincible:

Perpetually grossed out by old dudes who think it’s cute to make sexual comments to/in front of/about me.

The latest is at last night’s library board meeting, where I arrived first and spent a few minutes making casual conversation with the first board member who arrived.
When the next walked…

That wasn’t really sexual at all.

V. curious as to what you think he meant by “Don’t worry, we’ve been behaving ourselves,” accompanied by a fucking shit-eating grin, when we were the only people there.

Really. What do you think he was implying?

Because I am telling you that what he said and the way he said it, his intention was very clear.
The implication was that we hadn’t been making out.
This is not the kind of comment that he’d have made about the male librarian if he’d been there.

Making out now? Okay, um…that makes even less sense.

All old people do this. They call themselves “ornery” and say “Keep out of trouble” and shit like that. Not every little mischievous quip is some thinly-veiled code for “wow, I want to rip your clothes off” or something.

It’s stupid shit like this, and the overreactions like the above, that make reporting real sexual harassment in the workplace downright impossible. Because the people who flip the fuck out at someone jokingly saying that they were both “behaving,” or someone who gets pissy about being called “darlin’” make the woman who’s being felt up, the woman who is directly propositioned, not be able to report her harassment because all the other overly sensitive whiners have desensitized the appropriate people. When you go to get help for a real problem, they treat you like you’re crazy, imagining it, overreacting, because they’ve watched people overreact like this.

Ugh, this is one of those situations where if something that innocuous bothers you, it’s no one’s problem but your own, and you need to suck it up.

These are called microaggressions.

They’re minor incidents that, on their own, don’t seem like much, but over time their recurrence causes real damage.

Microaggressions — like using endearments for coworkers/sales associates/customers/clients — are an actual problem.
It does undermine your position. It does make you feel like you’re being taken less seriously.

And, it doesn’t always end there.
Just because you’ve got several people who just call you “sweetheart” doesn’t mean no one else is directly propositioning you, or that no one ever touches you inappropriately.

But by saying, “these sexist actions aren’t problematic,” you set an odd bar where people don’t actually know where the line is.
By discouraging people from reporting things you, personally, deem insignificant, you are the one making it harder for people experiencing harassment to get help because many people assume their harassment isn’t worth reporting/reporting it will cause more trouble than it’s worth.

But, in this specific incident, in this specific post, I can tell you from his tone and — unfortunately, from experiences with my grandfather — that his implication WAS sexual. 
You were not there. You are not more of an authority than I am on what I experienced.

I’m allowed to talk about my experiences without assholes like you coming out of the woodwork to tell me I’m what’s wrong with society.
Like, this isn’t even tagged under sexual harassment or sexism. It’s just “personal” and “librarian problems.” 
Me posting on my personal blog about my frustrations with my workplace should not be an invitation for you to comment on how valid you think my experiences are.

rikinowgay:

evelynvincible:

Perpetually grossed out by old dudes who think it’s cute to make sexual comments to/in front of/about me.

The latest is at last night’s library board meeting, where I arrived first and spent a few minutes making casual conversation with the first board member who arrived.
When the next walked…

That wasn’t really sexual at all.

V. curious as to what you think he meant by “Don’t worry, we’ve been behaving ourselves,” accompanied by a fucking shit-eating grin, when we were the only people there.

Really. What do you think he was implying?

Because I am telling you that what he said and the way he said it, his intention was very clear.
The implication was that we hadn’t been making out.
This is not the kind of comment that he’d have made about the male librarian if he’d been there.

Wow apparently I’ve been scheduled for an eight hour shift that starts a 5 on a Saturday morning.

What do you do at Home Depot at five in the morning?

I know what I’ll be doing.

Jesus fucking christ all I want is for men to become self-aware about all the ways they subtly demean the women in their lives.

Seriously where do these people get off thinking it’s okay to call women you don’t know/aren’t close with “sweetie,” “honey,” “darling,” or “sweetheart”?
Do they realize that I can’t actually ask them to stop, because I’m at work and if I upset them (even if THEY were being disrespectful) I will be in trouble?
Do they even consider how infantilizing that is? Do they think we enjoy it? Because, guess what, I fucking don’t. 

I’m seriously looking forward to the end of my contract, when I can take my sales associate skills and glowing recommendation (because I’m a fucking good sales associate) and apply for jobs where I’ll be working primarily with and for women.

Perpetually grossed out by old dudes who think it’s cute to make sexual comments to/in front of/about me.

The latest is at last night’s library board meeting, where I arrived first and spent a few minutes making casual conversation with the first board member who arrived. 
When the next walked in, the one I had been talking to said “Hello,” then immediately followed up with, “Don’t worry, we’ve been behaving ourselves,” with this fucking smarmy grin on his face.

Jesus fucking Christ could you fucking not?

You are seventy-fucking-something years old. You are missing teeth. You read shitty books.

I am polite to you because that is my job and you are technically my boss.

I can’t report you or make a complaint because the board member he made this comment to was both the president of the board and also my grandfather, and whose only response was to laugh and say, “Oh, Jon, you’re never behaving yourself!” 

Like it’s not vomit-inducing to have an out-of-shape septuagenarian make sexual comments about your twenty-something granddaughter.
As if that’s a totally normal and acceptable thing.

"Let’s watch talking heads burble happily about ENTERTAINMENT and ATHLETICS and NATIONAL PRIDE while we blatantly ignore the flawed infrastructure, oppression, and poverty happening just off camera!"

So, am I talking about the World Cup, the Olympics, or the Hunger Games?